For our God is a consuming fire.

-Hebrews 12:29

Monday, March 9, 2009

Chewin' Down The House

What a funk I've been in today. Not the funk-y dance around your house in your skivvies kind either. I had every intention of working out, taking advantage of the beautiful spring weather with an outdoor walk, thinking it would be a light work load day. I had the time for the walk (still do actually) but this funk has being weighing me down. I feel to tired to move...and knowing from experience that if I just get out the door and move a little, I'll get enough energy to continue and be so glad when I'm done.

Instead, I've eaten away the day, still tracking my points but I'm already into the weekly flex points and it's only 6:00. (I'm also WELL into the weekly allowance from other days this week. My WW week s start on Friday.) A lovely, still light outside 6:00. I need to just get off my arse and move. I'd love to start this day from scratch. Do over, please? I was up very early and working straight away. All good signs for a productive day. I just got angry at some emails' content first thing - like our refinancing company straight out lied to me like 8 times on the same matter, and I'm just finding out after we closed. That put a big bummer on the day. But I've been letting that effect my entire mood and I've been stuffing my face with (oven baked) fries. Now I just feel like a glob on the couch with too many simple carbs in my system slowing me down and distending the belly.

I've been feeling angry-ish for well over a week now. Last week after several days in a row of feeling cranky it dawned on me that I was PMS'ing. Relief! An explanation for the irrational, mad-cow behaviour. (mad as in angry. cow as in large female. I know that true mad-cow does not bring about anger but rather forgetfulness and dimentia. dar.) But it's been well over a week and I'm still frothing at the mouth at small things and not focusing on all the good of life. No offense meant to anyone who may have asked me simple yet stoopid questions, and I've gotten myself all into a complete snit about it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by blessings and grace, yet all I seem to focus on is the negative. Knowing this, sitting in the middle of it, I still can't seem to pull myself out of the funk. There is much worse than I'm experiencing going on in the world, and I'm throwing myself an 'everyone-leave-me-the-blank-alone' pity party. It's pretty pathetic, yet there it is in all it's honesty. Perhaps tomorrow I will roll out of bed and do a work out even though I'm not yet fully awake. GET IT DONE and start feeling better early on in the day.

Three hours after typing the above, I'm back at my computer. I went to visit a girlfriend whose father had recently past. I brought with me some "I'm thinking of you and love you" red velvet cupcakes. This friend is skinny, fit AND fabulous so there was no reason to 'lower the point' value of the cupcakes I was making for her. But that's how I've been cooking everything lately, so I followed a low-point (translation: high fiber, low fat) recipe and they came out rather well. We chatted about life and random issues, and I left feeling so much better! Here is someone going through some REAL stress and grief; not the stoopid elementary version of malaise I've been waddling through of late. She was chipper and chatty and admitted that she will probably attack the cupcake basket as soon as I leave. That's EXACTLY what I would do in her shoes and I'm so glad I visited. D - thanks for the pick me up. I hope I was half as good for you as you were for me!

And to anyone interested, here's a shout out to this amazing WW recipe blog where I got the cupcake recipe. I doctored it extensively though. I added 1/2 cup of puree'd pumpkin to the mix and diet dr. pepper. I also made the frosting from scratch with low fat cream cheese, raw sugar and soy milk in the microwave. THAT is a genius concoction for frosting on anything. I'd mix it with whole wheat pasta or yams or cupcakes of any flavor and go to town. Or that's just the tapeworm I've been dealing with all day talking...

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